Life's Delicate Timing
I sit and watch the process of blooming. As if nature is unfolding before me. A marker of time as each petal peels itself away from the others and gathers from the center in the reaching outwards. This reminds me of my life, a life unfolding and blossoming. But sometimes not so clear in the unfolding.
Recently experiencing fogginess and unclear resolution of my own direction in life, this was a "do-less-moment" of learning for me. Flowers, nature, life, it all happens in ways that continue to surprise and help me learn a little bit more about who I am and why I am here. But I find that when I'm entrenched in the rushing and quick decision making, I do not notice the beauty of design of life as a human being. I see the outcome and sometimes it does not match my expectation of what I thought it might look like. More times than not, what shows up can be more beautiful and more intricate than what I had originally wanted.
The struggles of life can consume me at times, and I am in a hurry to get through them, to find a resolution, to reach the next destination that I feel I can be at ease and rest and feel accomplished. What I notice is that sometimes these hard roads, these struggles, are a catalyst to the next, or future steps to reach the right outcome for me. Similar to that of a butterfly birthing from it's cocoon. If we lend it help and peel away the shell, it expels itself in a weakened state and cannot learn to be strong and fly. Nature has determined that the butterfly needs the struggles of movement to help it in the next stage of its existence. I too, have found that moments of struggle have been times that help me become stronger and more grounded in helping me through the next phases to come. Yet, in the moment, they seem so hard, so challenging and even painful.
Learning to be in a world where the challenges seem to be ever-growing and more expansive, these moments of learning to soften into the happening are tough, but needed. I've learned from Do-Less, that it's not about skipping by these moments, but actually quite the opposite. It's about slowing down long enough to notice what I need to learn in that moment of hardship, that moment of struggle. If I were to skip past it, or try to run away from it, I may not learn what it is that I'm needing to acknowledge for the next parts of my own "life's blossoming".
Like flowers that move through the stages from seedlings, first cracking through the protective armor and shield of the seed pod. Then the formation of strong roots reaching into the earth and the pressing and reaching through the gritty soil to lengthen out towards sunlight. Then, once reaching the surface, reaching out through the elements of weather and storms and heat and wet, to find light to convert into energy... to find sustenance, to thrive in the chaotic patterns of weather. Then drawing the energy up from the roots to present a blossom and then possibly a flower and finally a cycle of life in the creation of a seed pod of it's own to then begin the process again. The life as a human is so aligned with these natural patterns, that I often forget they are even there.
As a gay man in a world where the progeny, or legacy, of my existence would only be to procreate with a female of our species, I feel that I am faced with the end-lines of my own being... since I cannot easily "be" within the laws of creating life in the traditional ways our planet has evolved into. Yes, there are many ways to work around these challenges. But there are many other factors challenging me by this as well... over population, laws and society against adoption, financial crises, partnerships that do not desire children.
My thoughts linger towards the, "What am I leaving behind to share my gifts to the future?" The world, the Universe, life will continue to evolve and de-evolve, create, destroy and create again. In these moments of pondering, of sadness, of uncertainty, I am finding my softening and my being in the feeling of how I have lived my life so that my soul memories, if we are left with these when we leave the body, will carry onward. Maybe not the specific details of this life lived, but the feelings and sensations associated with the life experiences I've encountered. That, if everyone is on this soul journey too, we all contribute to the journey past the human existence. This was our "living-in-this-life" experience. Who knows what the next experience may be. ...this eases my fears, the sadness, the expression of "need to leave something behind."
To just be in the noticing of all that surrounds me in this journey. The hard parts, the rough edges, the bruises, the tears, the harsh words, the crushed feelings... the beauty in it all is constant and ever-sharing with me when I slow down enough to realize Life's presence is just a do-less-moment away.