Deciding to venture out yesterday into the amazing warmth of the sun was an absolute treat and a half. I took some time to wander the eleven blocks to the bank to pick up some money for my next months rent and as I meandered through the side streets, by homes that seemed to also be soaking up the sun, the gardens beginning to burst with colour-filled palettes... I came to the bank and noticed that it had been closed due to some sort of uncomfortable incident. Since I do not feel I need to feed into that energy, I blessed it for what ever experience it needed to give to the people involved, blessed them for doing what they needed to do in the role they were playing in it and I continued to walk. It left me feeling a bit awkward inside at the moment, but I decided to continue walking another 20 blocks or more to another bank I knew was not far.
As I strolled the houses seemed to get fancier and more gracious and the gardens and the trees, plants and flowers more beautiful. But inside I was feeling ... well... strange. I couldn’t pin-point what it was exactly but I kept walking... focusing on my purpose of the next bank and getting my rent paid.
I did, however notice, that I was walking through the lack in my life. Noticing the situation at the first bank had drawn me into that thought process of another group of individuals where there was lack and my ego was feeding off of it. By the time I reached the next bank and waited in line, I check my account on my iPhone to see how much money I had in my account... it was not up-to-date, but it did show that indeed... I HAD LACK.
I approached the next teller and we exchanged pleasantries and noticed how sunny and bright it was outside... while inside I was just feeling hot, sweaty, smelly and worried that I may have too much lack in my life to really make my life work here in Vancouver. I did have some cheques to deposit and I did have money in other accounts other than my main one... there were options... so many options... yet my mind and ego were not letting me enjoy those nor the moment I was in.
... to see the teller smiling at me, to notice the other happy people... all I saw was posters on the walls talking of retirement, smiling faces of people that did not live in lack, feeling that I do not have what it takes to make my way in the world and get out from this mountain that I had built up over and was seemingly gifted the name Mt. Lack and you gotta push every boulder up this steep incline before you can get over it and to the other side.
SO... this morning I woke up with thoughts of “I am more...”
I am more than the money I “think” that I don’t have in my bank account...
I am more than the people, marketing and “professionals” that say I don’t have enough to live my life...
I am more than my career, of which I have multiple...
I am more than my friends and social circles, of which I have so many loving ones...
I am more than the bed I lay in...
I am more than the clothes I wear...
I am more than the food I eat...
I am more than the dust bunnies that accumulate under the sofa (yes, did some house cleaning yesterday and found a few multiplying bunnies underneath...
I am more than my ego and thoughts that I am not good enough to have what I desire in this life times...
I am more than my heartache for a relationship...
I am more than the stiff muscles that I accumulated from so much wonderful stretching on my 30 Day Yoga Challenge...
I am more than this beautiful home that I get to live in, and have amazing friends live right next door...
I am more than feeling like “this is” my final destination...
I am more than my feelings of inadequacy...
I am more than what other’s may think of me...
I am more than the marketing that hangs on the walls of banks telling me “I need more”... I know I have it already.
I am perfect just the way that I am... and so are you... so are we all. And we DO have more... we have and are more than the sum of our parts, our feelings, our senses. We are an infinite number of possible outcomes and we get to play and figure them out at each and every moment of our lives that we live on this planet.
So as the Universe says today... smile first today... I am going to do just that and bring a little bit more light into this world and let lack go where it may, but there is a “no vacancy” sign above the door for this body, mind and soul.
What are you more than?
Comments